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spewage
Posted April 12, 2013 at 4:35pm
random life stuff again! please disregard if you don't want to read a giant mound of text
Alright, well, I am not entirely sure what I should do at the moment. If you guys could help.. that would be lovely! ; Don't feel inclined to, however, I guess I'm just going to spew my thoughts here and organize it by writing it all out..
Okay, so, I didn't get the summer zoo job I was all excited for. But I'm not really disappointed about that; I was shooting high, as I never had a job before, and someone else with more experience was selected. Sure, its a shame, but I expected it and did my best so I'm not really sad. Actually, it really helped me practice and I feel really proud of myself for doing it.
However.. what I'm really terrified of is other's expectations, most notably my sister's. She's a wonderful person, the person I idolize and respect the most in the world. She works at the zoo, does everything I want to do, is the person I want to be.. and she sets pretty high standards for me. She's like a tiger mom, haha! My actual mom is really kind, literally the nicest person you'll ever meet, but she doesn't set such high standards for me and pretty much lets me do whatever I want. She's very principled as well, but gives me a lot of leeway and controls me with bribes pretty much. xD (those bribes being games, usually?). I'm not saying I'm a crazy, out of control child or something.. but she gives reinforcement with something like, "Hey, if you go with me to blah blah blah, then I'll get you this." It's really nice, but you can imagine I grew up pretty spoiled. So my sister is really the one who pushes me to do the best I can be, which is really good for me. I've always learned something new and got better at things whenever I went to visit her.
I didn't want to tell my sister immediately that I didn't get the job, as I was worried about her reaction and embarrassed I didn't apply to other places yet. I also didn't want to get the inkling from her that she thought I was no-good, or something like that. I am really paranoid about what other people think of me, as I am the definition of a people-pleaser... I tailor myself to the person I am talking to, so they like me and approve of me, therefore I can approve of myself. Because of that, I kind of lose myself in the process. But anyhow, I digress... I called my sister after my mom, as they were both visiting my grandma.
Aaaand, my problem is, and the main reason for creating this journal is because I have no idea what to do at the moment. My sister says I need to apply to other places, as I'm already behind because I haven't gotten a job yet and I'm 18. This makes sense, but I also have another priority.. I had to drop a class this semester, and so I'm already behind, so I kind of want to catch up over summer. My sister told me before I started at my community college nearby that I need to finish within two years, so I'm not stuck there forever. So if I follow through with her summer job plan, I might set myself back, so that's also betraying her word.
To get into more specifics... my town doesn't have the greatest jobs. And I can't really understand the specifics of each. And it may even be too late! ;; Also, my best friend Ouka-chan is going to visit me for a week or two over the summer, and we were planning to do this for some time. So I don't want something to take up all of my time.. and I know I shouldn't let a plan conflict with a job, but I also have other issues, like not finishing school on time. Also, the class I primarily want to take over summer is a general ED requirement, Speech. All my friends are telling me to take it over the summer, as its shorter and the summer teacher is MUCH nicer than the fall and spring teacher. I have really bad anxiety in speaking, so this class is going to be really hard for me to take over the normal course of things.. especially considering I'm one class behind. Oh, and I don't even have a driver's license yet either, so I would have to make someone drive me every day if that were so. Unless I somehow fit getting that into the weekends or something.
My sister is pushing me to apply places, but I'm really busy with essays and whatnot at the moment.. she says its just excuses, but I really am working hard at the things I need to do. My parents say that I should do the summer school, and not worry about the job.. but my sister says that they're too cushy with me, and that I shouldn't listen or else I'll be trapped at home forever. I don't know.. I'm so pressured from all these different sides.. I know it's up to me in the end, but I honestly have no idea what to do. I know I should at least try to apply somewhere, but what should I try to take? Seasonal? Part-time? I never had one before, so I don't know what each one means..
I should just get a therapist or something. I have enough emotional problems as it is, haha.
Wow sorry for the text wall!! I'll be amazed if anyone reads this.
Okay, so, I didn't get the summer zoo job I was all excited for. But I'm not really disappointed about that; I was shooting high, as I never had a job before, and someone else with more experience was selected. Sure, its a shame, but I expected it and did my best so I'm not really sad. Actually, it really helped me practice and I feel really proud of myself for doing it.
However.. what I'm really terrified of is other's expectations, most notably my sister's. She's a wonderful person, the person I idolize and respect the most in the world. She works at the zoo, does everything I want to do, is the person I want to be.. and she sets pretty high standards for me. She's like a tiger mom, haha! My actual mom is really kind, literally the nicest person you'll ever meet, but she doesn't set such high standards for me and pretty much lets me do whatever I want. She's very principled as well, but gives me a lot of leeway and controls me with bribes pretty much. xD (those bribes being games, usually?). I'm not saying I'm a crazy, out of control child or something.. but she gives reinforcement with something like, "Hey, if you go with me to blah blah blah, then I'll get you this." It's really nice, but you can imagine I grew up pretty spoiled. So my sister is really the one who pushes me to do the best I can be, which is really good for me. I've always learned something new and got better at things whenever I went to visit her.
I didn't want to tell my sister immediately that I didn't get the job, as I was worried about her reaction and embarrassed I didn't apply to other places yet. I also didn't want to get the inkling from her that she thought I was no-good, or something like that. I am really paranoid about what other people think of me, as I am the definition of a people-pleaser... I tailor myself to the person I am talking to, so they like me and approve of me, therefore I can approve of myself. Because of that, I kind of lose myself in the process. But anyhow, I digress... I called my sister after my mom, as they were both visiting my grandma.
Aaaand, my problem is, and the main reason for creating this journal is because I have no idea what to do at the moment. My sister says I need to apply to other places, as I'm already behind because I haven't gotten a job yet and I'm 18. This makes sense, but I also have another priority.. I had to drop a class this semester, and so I'm already behind, so I kind of want to catch up over summer. My sister told me before I started at my community college nearby that I need to finish within two years, so I'm not stuck there forever. So if I follow through with her summer job plan, I might set myself back, so that's also betraying her word.
To get into more specifics... my town doesn't have the greatest jobs. And I can't really understand the specifics of each. And it may even be too late! ;; Also, my best friend Ouka-chan is going to visit me for a week or two over the summer, and we were planning to do this for some time. So I don't want something to take up all of my time.. and I know I shouldn't let a plan conflict with a job, but I also have other issues, like not finishing school on time. Also, the class I primarily want to take over summer is a general ED requirement, Speech. All my friends are telling me to take it over the summer, as its shorter and the summer teacher is MUCH nicer than the fall and spring teacher. I have really bad anxiety in speaking, so this class is going to be really hard for me to take over the normal course of things.. especially considering I'm one class behind. Oh, and I don't even have a driver's license yet either, so I would have to make someone drive me every day if that were so. Unless I somehow fit getting that into the weekends or something.
My sister is pushing me to apply places, but I'm really busy with essays and whatnot at the moment.. she says its just excuses, but I really am working hard at the things I need to do. My parents say that I should do the summer school, and not worry about the job.. but my sister says that they're too cushy with me, and that I shouldn't listen or else I'll be trapped at home forever. I don't know.. I'm so pressured from all these different sides.. I know it's up to me in the end, but I honestly have no idea what to do. I know I should at least try to apply somewhere, but what should I try to take? Seasonal? Part-time? I never had one before, so I don't know what each one means..
I should just get a therapist or something. I have enough emotional problems as it is, haha.
Wow sorry for the text wall!! I'll be amazed if anyone reads this.
I'm sure what I'm saying and have to say has already been advised by others in a far better manner, but I want to end this rambleanswer with my support thrown into the fray of life's confusion. I'm always here for you if there's anything possible I can do. <3
Our head band director here told us something that could apply to you: "If you want something done and want it done well, give it to a busy person." Yeah, being busy during your college years sucks, but if you stay busy, you'll become better organized, meet new people, and if you get a job, get money! And it will also look good on resumes and interviews, when they see how much you are able to handle and still get a job finished. I know it doesn't seem ideal, but personally, I would take both the class and try to find a job.
As for what kind of job, look for a flexible one. One that can work with your schedule, but will still pay you well. Job hunting sucks, but it will be worth it!
As cheesy or cliche as it sounds, all of this busyness will help you develop into a more responsible adult. I wish you the best of luck! I know that you're awesome, so you'll be able to handle whatever you decide to do! :)
As far as what you should do, in my opinion summer classes are great and if you only work part time you can do classes and a job! And you don't have to take a full load of classes during summer you can only take one or two. Plus there are two summer semesters so if you just want to try the job first and see how it goes you can take a class the second semester. Most places I find will work with you around your class schedule as long as you give them new notice of your availability.
I total feel you on the not being able to drive thing and finding a job. I have the same issue, so I always find jobs close to where I live so I can walk or ride my bike.
But as I think it was Bee said do what you think you should do! You can't make anyone else happy if you aren't happy yourself first. Take it easy over summer too since you've had a kinda rough year. And there is no harm in applying even if you don't think you will get it and you can always turn down the offer if you change your mind ect. But look into this asap as like a break between papers because classes and jobs get snapped up fast this time of year!
But yes!! Thank you for all the suggestions, that's very useful to me (,: Thanks so much! ♥
I hate driving with a passionnnnnn, my parent's won't let me get my license till they approve of my driving. But I don't think they understand how inconvenient it is to not have a car. Especially since by younger brother has had 2 and crashed them both????
Sorry I'm not so good with advice but I hope it helped a bit! I tend to over think things or just jump right in without thought, no in between, myself so I know it can be confusing after a while.
Yes, that's true, I should just go for it! It's about the experience, and learning.. I need to start small, and work my way up. That's how people commonly do it. And having less pressure in a first job is good, methinks. it'll be fun! (: My sister was also saying stuff like, "girl this might be better, as if you get a different job you can meet the menz. although the guys in your area.. hrrrmm.." maybe that's a bonus?? HAHA
Oh man what that's lame to hear about your parentals.. I think they're blaming you for your brother's mistakes, and holding you back. :C I bet driving would be a lot of fun if there wasn't so much restriction and pressure.
And probably but I'm not too concerned about it. I'll get my way eventually. Cause it's getting ridiculous. They take out their stress over my brothers on me a lot, I don't think they realize it so I can't hold it against them.
That's unfair, though. Did you tell them that it bothers you? I feel bad that you have to go through that.. ;
And it's not a big deal I'm used to it haha. I am not at home much anymore so it's not nearly as bad as it used to be.
Then, perhaps, just get a license and don't let them know??? >___>
And I would but I need a car to get a license here.. And I don't know that my friend would let me use her car haha.
Oh you mean to practice? ; Or just in general, you need one to drive around? I really think you should just say "PARENTS. I need the car, or else I can't get anywhere" and ask them for help in buying one, maybe? Well.. I guess bike-riding is more hygienic anyway. ; but it's going to be harder the longer you wait
You need a car to take the test here. They don't provide a car for you. Since I'm over 18 no one needs to ride with me but yeah. I'd need practice too probably since I don't know the streets around here.
that's super lame.... ; Why don't you ask your friend? haha.
And I did once and she told me not over her dead body. Since you know insurance wouldnt cover it and all if somethin happened.
Oh what really? That's so depressing augh.. u___u well I guess we're bound to bicycles for now...
unrelated: do I have your 3ds fc??
I can relate to you because I get pressures from my parents a lot about what to do and how I should try to do it. They even kinda want me to be like my cousin, and while I love her and all, I just want to be my own person but it's hard with everyone telling you what to do!! While they can also be taken as suggestions, sometimes I feel like they really want me to do it and it is stressful... but I am coming to realize that I want to be my own person!!
So, the point of that paragraph was just to say that I can empathize but I feel that you should decide on the things yourself!! Take what your sister and parents say as suggestions and if you really like them, set what is a major priority and what isn't (something my mom tells me to do all the time haha). And about your zoo job, never give up!! I didn't get a job at the library but I am trying to build up to it still by volunteering! :)
In general, don't stress out too much, my Laharl, Route 50 will always be here for you, and your family; I'm sure they'll help you sort it out! :D ahfohf I'm sorry if this came across as confusing or somethin' I'm really terrible with advice....
You are the best at advice!! I understood everything perfectly. :,) That's really true! Since when did my little baby grow so wise... advising me about jobs... volunteering.. //sobtear.. ♥
I admire you, being your own person! That's a really good motto from your mom-- I'll remember it! All people are different, so I should choose what's best for me, and treat lecturing as advice, instead.. ; I'm sure it'll work out in the end. (: And good luck with the library job!
psssssh, I'm sure you would do the same heheh, I JUST WANNA HELP MY LAHARL IN HER WAYS OF BECOMING THE DEMON KING or uh being the best she wants to be B) *cue pokemon music* I wanna be, the very best......
YES, I AM POSITIVE IT WILL WORK OUT BECAUSE CAPS LOCK EQUALS DETERMINATION!! But in all seriousness, just doing what you can and striving toward goals can get you there *___* I BELIEVE IN *souljaboyvoice* YOUUUUUUUUU
I wanna beee the very bessttttt (overlord) that no one ever killeedddd dun dun dunnn to slaughter them alll is my real test, to strengthen is my cauuuuseee
ok I kind of killed that but it works
THANK YOU MADAM I WILL DO THE BEST I CAN :,,DD //POWER
I'm not sure if I'll help by saying what I think, but maybe adding another perspective will do something. I definitely understand what all of that feels like, but I think what is most important is listening to yourself and finding out what your limits are personally so that you know how to manage different parts of your own life. It may not feel like everything settles into place right when you want it to, but I truly believe that it will eventually, with practice!
I guess I'm not very good at specific job or school help because those things, I feel, are very experience-based and basically all I could say is "keep going!" because that's what I end up telling myself haha. Just know that I'm here if you ever want to talk about something, or need me to give you some sort of pep talk! By texting and online and Skype and wherever else! <33
No you're definitely a lot of help, thank you very much! Just knowing you're supporting me helps me out so much. So thank you! I will keep going, definitely. I just need to trust myself, and my decisions.. and deciding things based on my own limits. So you're right! (: I'll take it to heart! <3
PROSPER, YES /huzzah
It's super cool that your sister is a strong motivator in your life, and her push to get you to a job and through school is really important, I'd say. What I'd suggest is that you ask her how you should sort this all out. Seeing as she's really important in your life and you're struggling so much over this and all.
But I'd also advise this: don't shape your life around other people's expectations of you. Get a job, do school, learn to drive because those are good and necessary things for life, and understand why those are good and necessary--as opposed to just doing them because people say you should.
What I'm trying to say is, let your sister be a source of guidance and motivation, not terror and anxiety. xD
Yeah.. that's very true. I always have this strong sense of fear.. ;; It'll be hard to turn around, as well as my lazy habits.. But with conviction, I can do it. And doing things.. because I need to do it for myself, and see others' advice as guidance. Thank you, you're very right. I'll remember that. (:
Hahaha thank you ♥ I sure do appreciate it :,D