I'm really emotional about cats
hello hello I am twiggy!!
I'm a tiny forest mage who loves sinnoh, music, video games, cats, martial arts, turtwig, luxray, emoticons, books, punctuation, manga, dreams, stationery, fountain pens, trees, and the flower forget me not.
feeling grey but I think I should go to bed now and maybe drink some water
I've been feeling strangely disembodied lately, during the nights when it is quiet but before the fireflies go to bed. It's like I'm just hovering in front of my eyes, watching the same perspective but outside of myself. I'll sit in front of my north-facing window and count the flickers of their lights but when there's none left to count somehow I've lost count of myself too, and then I turn away from the dark outside to center myself again, but tonight I was lost because my playlist had gone on to radio instead of repeating and orientating myself back to unfamiliar music was vaguely nauseating. I've been cleaning a lot in preparation for the fall months, which are usually too busy to allow me time to so much as change my sheets, but I feel like I can't quite get things right. I reorganize my bookshelf, refold the clothes in my closet, but I can't get myself clean. Going to practice helps. It's easy to ground myself in physical exertion and exhaustion because I can feel every twinge in my legs and muscles, and I know that there is no other sensation the same because no other body feels it the same, so I know where I am and that I am grounded in myself. But when I shower after I feel the water, prickling hot or cold, and it's like a rising panic that I'm going numb, and I can't feel the water, and I'm losing count of the fireflies and hovering just in front of my eyes. Maybe I've been in this moment before and don't know it, or maybe I'll be here again and won't remember? I hope that you remember. Anyway, soon the fireflies will sleep for the seasons until the summer months return, and I won't feel their pull anymore, but maybe I'll sit in front of the north-facing window and count the stars instead. I'd like to go to space one day.