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Enough of This

Posted August 12, 2010 at 10:22pm

So. I was about to go to bed, in a terrible mood. I was thinking about something that happened months ago that I hate to remember, and it was bringing me down. I was also thinking about graduating and leaving some fun times in my life, two years from now.

But you know what I realized? I need to stop hanging on past mistakes and move on with life. More importantly, I can't let the future bring me down. Near or far. I need to let life go. How it goes is how it goes. I'm too much of a worry-fart. I need to stop worrying about what people think about me after something I did, and what they'll think or do in the future. I need to stop letting future events bother me so much. I need to stop letting ANYTHING bother me so much.

I'm so pessimistic, and whenever I'm optimistic I'm always let down. I've learned to only ever be pessimistic. Does that make me happy? No. The pessimism surely doesn't make people want to hang around with me sometimes, I'm sure. The reason I get so down is because I'm so pessimistic, worrisome, and have no confidence. I need to stop believing that if I try to be optimistic, things will go bad. That's superstitious. I always say how I don't like superstition.. yet I'm doing so myself without realizing it. It's just so silly!

Somehow as soon as I came to that realization, my mood brightened. I had such a good night tonight. I shouldn't be so depressed afterwards. <3

Fixing this will bring back my old cheerfulness. The same cheerfulness that couldn't be broken, like two years ago. For months I've thought I was in the best part of my life. Not even close. I still get down at times, like I just was. But where does worrying and hanging on the past get you? Nowhere. Enough of that, I'm changing.

I've changed a lot in the past year. A LOT. I'm beginning to know myself much better. I know I'm going to learn even more in the next year. I've achieved more confidence from just this writing already. I'm excited for school to start... even more than I was before. 18 more days!