So hi.

I'm Kai.

...

Yeah.

[proudest moment :')]

[songs am listening to]

pool dream

my dreams have been pretty tame for the past few weeks but i had another weird one last night

i was in the backseat of a taxi with my stepmom. my dad's in the passenger seat but he doesn't matter rn. suddenly i see another car with my biological mom in it and she waves at me and my stepmom and i wave back and i feel like throwing up.

then my stepmom and i are in a store (i think) and there's a refrigerator there. i open the freezer half and pull out a silvery bag filled with caramel ice cream bars. i don't know if i ate one, but i know they are delicious. i leave the store.

the store is in a shopping center type place and i walk past some nail salons ans shoes stores before i come to a iron fence thing that is either black or white. the gate is open and inside is a pool surrounded by white lawn chairs. there aren't a lot of people but i remember that there was a middle aged lady wearing a floppy hat and sunglasses. i walk to the pool and step in the deep end, where i sink the the bottom immediately. the water pressure is pleasant and i am very comfortable. i sit down and draw in a notebook that has come out of nowhere. i don't know what i'm drawing but it makes me feel even more relaxed than i already am.

after a while i am reminded that i am underwater. i go up (somehow) and go back to the original store, where i grab the bag of ice cream bars. i think i'm getting the ice cream for someone. i return to the pool, but this time i am hiding in the water instead of merely relaxing. at one point, i hoist my upper body out of the water and see some women talking just outside the gates. the pool flickers, and it takes on the appearance of a hot spring before once again looking like a pool. i go back under.

the pressure makes me feel as if i can't breathe. i go up again, this time with the ice cream, and then im in my house. i ask one of my parents if i can go to a party where you stay overnight. they allow me to go, and i end up in some lobby looking place. it looks like the entrances to the changing rooms, and there are a bunch of ten year old boys. i am the chaperone, it seems. the boys are all wearing karate uniforms. i think i tell them to shut up. there is a tall buff guy who is around forty years old. there's a white belt tied around his head and his uniform is maroon. i think he is the karate instructor.

i am in a fancy looking room. there are gold pillars holding up the ceiling and the walls are dark red and tea green. the doors are glass, and the right side of the room has some sort of display. the center back has what looks like a check in counter at a hotel, and there is an elderly man who is dressed very sharply. he looks like a butler. i think he might kill me.

the karate kids run at the counter and i walk over to the display. i can't remember what is there (it is either stone carvings or candles or little soap bars). i do remember that the item are very pretty and i want one. the butler man comes over and says some things. i smile at him politely.

i am in the pool. my chest feels tight and i wonder if i have drowned.

i am in the taxi. it is bright and sunny outside and we are on the highway. we are suddenly in some neighborhood, parked in front of a house. it is my cousins house. there are three children; a girl a bit younger than me, a boy who seems twelve or so, and a four year old who flickers from a boy in shorts to a girl in pigtails. i've never seen them before in my life.

i am sitting on a mat. my knees are under a low table. it looks like the main characters room from doraemon. i am looking after the eleven year old boy, who is dressed like the shorts kid from pokemon but without a hat. we walk around the house and enter the garage at one point. it looks like something from my cousins house in south carolina. we return to the doraemon room and sit down. the rest of the family returns with bags of groceries. they give me savory snacks, and i say something about wanting sweets. i arrange the snacks neatly. my parents are nowhere in sight.

i am in the pool. i sketch something that doesn't show up on the paper.

my stepmom is sitting next to me in the taxi. i can't see her expression as my mom's car passes us. i open a bag of dried plums. the seatbelt is too tight, and i am uncomfortable.

i turn a page in my blank notebook as i sit underwater. beside me is a neat stack of snacks. it feels like someone is pushing down on my chest, and i notice that my glasses look different. i look up and admire how the light comes down through the water. i open the bag of ice cream.

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