Posted August 17, 2018 at 5:35am

so i'm finally finished with school!! i got my exam results yesterday, which determine whether or not I get into college -- i passed everything, even the geography exam I was sure I flunked. I aced art, music and english, which are my three favourite subjects, so I couldn't be happier!! I won't know for sure until monday whether or not I got into my chosen college but I have high hopes! ✨
it's amazing what the last couple of months of school can do for you. my life has changed so much, and for the better, too. I think one of the main reasons I feel so renewed though is because I recently cut a very toxic person out of my life.

to cut a long story short, basically I was friends with this girl since first year, so basically since I was 12. I hit a rough patch with her in second year (so I was 13-14) where she started to fully take control of my life. she dictated what I wore, what I did and even who I talked to. she got physical once and pinned me against a wall so that's when I got outside help from my parents + the school staff.
she was really aggressive but I was a pretty young 13-14 I suppose and I was naive so I just sorta. shrivelled back and felt bad for ages for making her angry I guess? but I suppose you get pretty scared of someone when they physically threaten you. so yeah naturally enough she was pmad about being told off but she stopped controlling me... except she didn't. really it was all under the guise of "protecting" me or some bs like that. she never really apologized for getting physical with me either, and for some reason I let her away with it and continued being friends with her for literally three and a half years afterwards.
she was really manipulative through the years but at the time I didn't notice -- it was only after stepping back and spending time with other people that I realized the negative impact she had on my life. she liked it when I was down and out, because then I relied on her, and it made her feel good to be "bigger" than me. me having my own life and my own choices after getting together with my boyfriend was too much for her and she got downright nasty, accusing me of being selfish and even trying to slutshame me for having intimate relations.

so basically I stopped talking to her, lol. she was getting increasingly rude and nasty and really bringing me down so I had to get away. all this time she's been the cause of all my rue and self-hatred. ever since I cut her off I've been feeling so much better!

today I'm going to wicklow with my boyfriend to stay for three days and meet his grandfather (who's an ex-prison officer, so I'm hoping he's not too regimented!) I get to go to bray for the first time which I'm super excited for! need that coastal ireland aesthetic ✨
rn I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to come out of his therapy appointment so we can hop on the bus down to dublin. i'm usually pretty anxious about travelling but I'm also super excited! : 'D

sorry this is sorta crappy -- I've never really journalled before so I guess it's missing some finesse, but I'll get better if I keep at it. will keep y'all posted on what bray is like! ✌️✨

August 17, 2018 at 7:08am
Heck yeah I'm happy for you!! Both in terms of exam results and taking control of your relations. I hope you have a good time in Bray. <3

also this is a longshot since Ireland is still a fair way away, but I recently moved to Blackpool so if you're ever around Manchester hmu
August 17, 2018 at 6:20am
I'm so glad you've finally taken charge of your relationship with that girl, and that it's basically non-existent now! how relieving!
enjoy bray, and good luck with the results re: college!!