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i sleep away my pain

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i only drink black coffee because it's the only thing powering my cold, dead heart

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Journal

My Lonely Sea

April 27, 2017 at 2:53pm

So, This is a Pantoun Poem I had to do during English class a few semesters ago
tbh that last part is better


'I can see black clouds blocking out the sun

It seems a storm is rolling in

I can't see light shining in through the clouds

I hear the thunder boom

It seems a storm is rolling in

I sit on my quiet, Grassy seaside cliff, Waiting for the rain

I hear the thunder boom

It still strikes my lonely sea

I sit on my quiet, Grassy seaside cliff, Waiting for the rain

It moves closer to me

It still strikes my lonely sea

I should go inside, Away from the rain

I sigh in content

It moves closer to me

But the droplets far-off melody beckon for me to stay

I should go inside, Away from the rain'


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ChocolateHydra's Stream

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I'm a bit glad that the camera on my phone doesn't need Wi-Fi to work

Cuz I've started trying to take pictures of places I'm going to

Heh when I go out that is

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Happy late birthday

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Well would you look at that

4 people in the car became 5
Yay

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We were staying at some people's place and the have a NOICE hotub/bath

I heard that in Minnesota the state will help you with finding a home and job as well as give you free(?) healthcare

So we're consitering living there

Btw we went to the Mall of America and its HUGE
I got to buy some things as a present for my birthday

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She said no

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I honestly dont give a fuck if im homeless

I dont want to stay
I doubt she'll let me go tho

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At least ny birthday is in three days

Here comes the shittest birthday ill ever have

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So we're in Montana and now I know that we're going cross country

First Virginia then California then New York to my grandma then back to Idaho

Three days in and i already want everything to stop

I just want to leave
I dont want to stay with mum anymore
Especially now that shes smoking meth

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Happy new year my dudes

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So

Asshole's brother has a boat he bought right before the season ends and he let us stay there.

However, we cannot bring anyone or take anything because its the last chance.

Its pretty cool, Seeing as I have never been on a boat in my life. I thinks its a vacation boat because its like a very small fishing boat with living quarters. He's fixing it up because there are a few places that water is leaking through and the plumbing isn't working.

Also, you can't have the heater and the microwave on at the same time or else it will turn off all the electricity.

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Here's to hoping he doesn't follow us

Like he did last time
At the place we had three days to leave

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Ugh

I have soda all over my shoes and pants ;Г;

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Boom bada boom bada boom boom boom

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A recap of what happened these few weeks:

Had three days to move out of the place we were staying at and had been driving from/ to Spokane, Washington and Sandpoint, Idaho for a few days. Been sleeping in the car because we are, Naturally, Homeless. Had a talk with my mom about the first time I drove. She actually listened to me. It's a funny story. I'll tell you guys sometime. Mom talked to sis and her friend. I say friend, But he's actually her boyfriend. He's 19 and she's 15. Mom talked to them both and told them that she can not take care of another person that brings nothing to the table. He left and mom told me that we're going to run. Just abandon everything except our clothes and some important stuff with mom's friend, Patti. Patti has a daughter down in Virginia that's getting a divorce with her cheating huband. She doesn't know how to do that divorce stuff, But Patti does and she's going to milk the shit out of it. The daughter was in a millitary career and half way to retiring, But married the dude instead because he was getting more money than she was. Mom and Patti need money to get to Virginia. I don't know how long it's going to take. Weeks, Months. I don't know. I'm just so tired of everything. Plus, There's that fucking asshole just leaching off us. Stealing our stuff and breaking our stuff. No matter how hard we try, He just comes back. Everyone fucking hates him. So much so that everyone tells him to kill himself. I don't approve of people saying that, But just needs to fucking die seriously.

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I just can't feel anything. I mean, I can feel depressed, Angry, Bored, But that's just about it.
When people gift me things, The normal thing to do is be happy or excited. But what I do is think, 'I should pretend to be happy so I don't hurt their feelings."
Therapy didn't work and medication... Well, Who has money for that anyways?
My family already has a hard time staying off the streets as it is. On top of having a spoiled, Ungrateful brat like me, I'm surprised they haven't signed me up for adoption. I sure would have.

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on a side note

ham is cooking
i dont like ham

but im hungry

*depressed yay*

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Jesus just kill me

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I may not show it

But i really love the time i spend with my bro and sis

no one else
just me, my bro and my sis

And sometimes we have really deep conversations
Its like the only time i can have a proper normal conversation with anyone without having to think im messing up talking

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Sometimes

I think they dont like me
I mean

They say things like 'oh ya i was doing this one thing with the squad and i though ''why not invite Hydra?" you know?'

And i know theyre lieing because why invite a boring nobody with nothing to talk about, right?

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So

Its Thanksgiving

And this year my bros cooking the food

So im going to have to go to his place
Yay

Im visiting my bro

The reason why im excited is because he never answers my text messages despite texting my sis

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