Member for 6y & 11mon
February 16, 2016 6:56am
"my companions deserve better than what i can offer and i try my best but i cant help feeling that it is not enough!! :"D"
my hands are shaking now and I'm scared so scared
because even when I clench them hard to turn my fingers white the feeling persists it's caught me now, and I'm here
pacing my room at night biting my nails thinking, always words on my mind
the things they say the things they don't oh god dear lord tell me it's not true
the pacing stops and I'm still now, stopped, frozen, just
thinking about it, you know? thinking about if I'm right and maybe really they do deserve someone
a lot...better, you know? I forget things sometimes, I get panicked quite often and I
can't get into the music they listen to or get along with large groups too well and man, you'll never be aware of how I dream of it
but I'm thinking, still, and the warmth is seeping back into me a bit because now I'm thinking of
last christmas when your mom whispered to me that my gift was your favorite and
when you give me a present just for the heck of it and it ached a bit and I smiled and "what's the occasion? you shouldn't have!"
you pressed the little package into my hands and said "it reminded me of you"
the little things might just be enough, you know?
I don't get much sleep and I'm always tired but if you need anything, anyone, at night when it feels like even the moon has stopped shining on you I am here I swear it
I dunno if that's the best I can give but oh, I'd do anything for you
Damn me, I love them so fiercely. I dream of building them homes with soaring ceilings in the stars
but all I can do is carefully craft a little sand castle when we go to the beach and hope you like it before the tide carries it back home to sea but you know,
I think that might be
enough, because when I'm online they send me "heys!!" and funny pictures and
they smile with me, you know? and I've been thinking that I don't need to worry
too much because that might just be my best, it might be our best, you know?