Mae held out the pap...

A followup to typh's granblue crack fic

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May 14, 2017 11:38pm
Mae held out the paper doll. Sparkleaf, Xetaja, and Metatyph each held onto a corner. "Now say 'Sachiko, we beg of you' four times. One for each of us."

Sparkleaf grinned. "I'm sure Typh's looking forward to this. Apparently there's this little girl in a red dress..."

Typh groaned. "Damnit, Sparks. I told you I'm not a lolicon!"

"Everyone said it four times?" said Mae, looking around the room. "Okay, now one, two, three!"

On 'three', they pulled the paper doll apart.

Suddenly, the entire floor lurched. Sparkleaf glanced up, startled. The lights flickered and died.

...
...
...Metatyph woke up in a dark room. "Where am I...?"

A chill ran down his spine. A foreboding presence filled the room.

There was a faded paper stuck to the wall. Typh reached for the paper.

In the dim light, he made out the number 1973. "Oh god oh god oh god oh god--"

At that moment, Maestra kicked the door down, wearing her dancho hat. "Hey, get out here!" she yelled. "Or I'll have you scrub the deck!"

Typh blinked and stared around the room. He was in the cabin of the Grandcypher. In his hand was the crew listing. 19,730 rupies donated that month.

Up on a rafter, he spotted Sparkleaf, holding a magic staff in his tail. The fox winked.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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May 16, 2017 1:03am
One fine day, Arkangel and Typh were sweeping the deck of the Grandcypher.

Arkangel glanced up as an ensign with long, dark hair passed them, carrying about twenty guns in each hand. Ark whistled. "The new girl's a real beauty."

Typh nodded. "There's just one problem," said the defense specialist, smirking. "That's a guy."

Ark stamped his foot. "You damn lolicon! Don't ruin my fantasies like this!"

"But I'm not a lolicon," protested Typh as they began scrubbing off the salt around the captain's quarters.

Moments later, they heard angry shouts from inside, followed by a long scream as Maestra threw the long-haired ensign over the edge of the boat.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 16, 2017 10:53am
The crew gathered on deck. "A'ight, everyone. It's strike time."

Attack specialist Xetaja, tossing "Heave-ho!" stickers all over the place.

Defense specialist Metatyph, the lolicon with the shoujo eyes. "I'm not a lolicon!"

First officer R-kun, the gacha-wrecking fox.

Ensign Rai, still oblivious to everything.

Maestra glared around the deck. "Where's Ensign Ark?"

Metatyph shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, he's fighting Tiamat Omega."

Sparkleaf sighed and buried his face in his hands...paws...hands...paws...hands.

Mae rolled her eyes. "Rip in pieces, Ark."

Xetaja flashed Typh a sly grin. "Lyria stared at the floor silently. The bag of apples was still on the table, untouched. The apples they bought for Vyrn, just that morning--"

"AHHHHHH!" Screaming, Metatyph sank to his knees, covering his ears.

Maestra turned and snatched a bag of chips away from Sparkleaf. "Bad fox. No potatoes for you."
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 17, 2017 11:19am
Maestra leaned back in her chair. "Okay, let's start this officer meeting. What's up here?"

Sparkleaf threw his empty wallet onto the table. "Can we toss Drusilla overboard yet?"

Xetaja snorted. "Rip, Sparklein." She glanced around. "By the way, where's Typh?"

Maestra looked at Sparkleaf. Sparkleaf looked at Xetaja. Xetaja stared back at Sparkleaf ominously.

Outside, they heard Metatyph raving and banging on the rail. "SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"

"Sen's not even an SSR," muttered Maestra.

"He does have a fire SSR though," said Xeta. "Magisa? The one with the... eh... balloon chest."

"But maybe Typh prefers girls with flat chests," suggested Sparkleaf lightly.

"I'M NOT A LOLICON!"

...

Xetaja and Sparkleaf emerged from the captain's quarters, exhausted.

Sparkleaf padded up to Yuisis. "Please switch to my team?" he begged hopefully.

Xetaja promptly punted Sparkleaf away.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 20, 2017 10:29pm
Sierokarte came onto the Grandcypher."Irashai!" said the Harvin. " I have a package for one Miss Camieux."

Rai and Ark paused in sweeping the deck and glanced at Camieux.

Camieux opened the parcel. "Oh, a letter from my mom! 'Since it's almist summer, I made you some clothes.'"

Mae groaned as Camieux held up... a pink bikini.

"You should see if they still fit you," pointed out Xeta. "Since we don't know how long it took the parcel to reach us."

"Yeah, We'd love to see you wear it!" chimed in Ark.

Maestra gave Ark the evil eye. "She's THIRTEEN. Go to jail."

"I'm sure Typh wanted to see it too," said Sparkleaf.

Typh waved his arms. "I swear I'm not a lolicon!"

Camieux smiled. "It's okay if it's Typh..."

Typh backed away. "N-no! My hear belongs to Sen! SEEEEEEEN!"
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 24, 2017 10:28am
"Dancho please I swear I'm not a lolicon-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sparkleaf and Xetaja watched as Maestra threw Typh overboard. "Wait, if Typh is Lyria, doesn't that mean Typh's life is connected to Dancho's?" muttered Xeta.

"What's a Typh? Can I eat it?" asked Lyria. She waved excitedly as Mae strode back to them. "Good evening, Djeeta-dancho! It's strike time, isn't it?"

"That's right." Maestra cleared her throat. "All right, guys. We're less than 10 miles from Zinkenstill. You guys got your teams ready for Yggy?"

Yggdrasil. The primal beast of earth. To fight her, they'd need to bring the very best wind SSRs. Xeta and Spark glanced at each other. "Carmelina," they said at the same time.

"I met her first," said Sparkleaf immediately. "She goes in my team."

Xeta snorted. "Yeah, and you kept her in the back for a month until I started bringing her along."

"Just as insurance! You don't want to fire all the big guns right away." Spark frowned. "Except in raids, where you do..."

Maestra pulled free of Lyria, who was fiercely glomping her. "OKAY everyone!" called Maestra, tossing three Yggdrasil Omega Animas overboard. "We're at Zinkenstill. You guys better be ready!"

"Now, now! No need to butt heads,, there's plenty of me to go around," said Carmelina grandly, stepping onto deck with her hula-hoop/chakram/bladed-ring thing. "You know what this ship needs? Needs more entertainment!"

Sparkleaf hit the deck. "Carmelina, Spark was about to throw you his shirt before Katalina stopped him," said Xeta. "And foxes don't even wear shirts--"

A loud roar. Yggdrasil Omega's roots were creeping up the Grandcypher's hull and spilling over the decks. Sighing, Maestra grabbed her Tiamat Omega Rifle. "Here we go again."

To be continued...
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE

May 25, 2017 12:42pm
The Grandcypher had touched down on Almathea Island to help the Enforcers interrogate the Black Knight, Apollonia. But then, in the middle of the interrogation, enemies attacked!

"G-go that way!" ordered Lecia, the nervous captain of the Enforcers. "We'll hold them off...!"

Archduke Tzaka, the Grandcypher's crew, and Apollonia hurried down the corridor. "Lecia-chan!" whispered Sparkleaf, tail wagging happily as he glanced back toward Lecia.

Maestra silenced Sparkleaf with a kick. "So what was the Black Knight after, anyway?"

Apollonia gazed at them grimly as they kept running. "Are you ready for the truth?"

"Of course," said Maestra.

Apollonia nodded. "Here goes: I want you to help me escape."

"Okay!" said Metatyph instantly.

"Wait! That wasn't the big secret, right?" demanded Maestra.

Apollonia didn't blink. "I need to get out of here so that I can save the doll."

"You mean Orchis?" said Rai.

"Yes, the doll," said Apollonia.

"Freesia has Orchis, right?" said Xetaja.

"Yes, Freesia has the doll," said Apollonia.

"But why did Freesia want to take Orchis?" wondered Metatyph.

"I don't know why Freesia wanted the doll," said Apollonia.

At that moment, Pommern busted through the wall, riding his giant mecha. "I knew you would come down this corridor!" shouted Pommern. "All according to keikaku."

(Translator's note: keikaku means plan.)

Rai held up a fistful of swords, all made of casino chips. "OH NO, IT'S POMEGRANATE!" screamed Metatyph, throwing Sen at Pommern.

"Nyanyanyanyanya!" yelled Sen as she climbed Pommern like a tree.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 25, 2017 12:48pm
1000 dragonfliars descended on Sparkleaf.

"Go, Carmelina!" yelled the fox, holding up a Poke Ball.

The ball opened, and Carmelina appeared in a flash of light.

"Carmelina, War Hoop!" ordered Sparkleaf.

A tornado of wind blades, and 1500 dead dragonflairs lay on the ground.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 28, 2017 12:44am
"Dancho, come look," said Lunalu excitedly, tugging at Maestra's hand. Maestra blushed at the artist's touch.

Lunalu pointed at her easel. Taking a look, Maestra blinked. "L-lewd," she stammered.

A knock on the door. "Mae, you in here?" asked Typh, poking his head inside. "Rackam says we'll rendevous with the landing party in ten minutes and... oh..."

Typh trailed off as his eyes fell on the easel. Lunalu had drawn Typh giving Sparkleaf a Togekiss.

Maestra flung a book at Typh's head. "Get out of here!"

...

Meanwhile, Sparkleaf's team had boarded General Furias's ship.

Narmaya's blade turned into butterflies and flew at the giant cannon behind Furias. The cannon promptly exploded.

"We're blasting off agaaaaaain!" yelled Furias as he was flung off into the sky.

Sighing in relief, Teena set down her lantern as Gawain holstered his axe. "Good work, Naru-chan!" cheered Sparkleaf, patting Narmaya's shoulder. "Dancho will be here to pick us up in just a bit."

A tear rolled down Narmaya's cheek. "No! It's no good," she murmured. "Eight-senpai will still never notice meeeeeeee!"
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 29, 2017 11:07pm
Lowain, Elsam, and Tomoi all watched as Yaia cracked eggs over rice, shell and all. "Sorry to put everyone through this trouble," chuckled Lowain sheepishly. "We thought we could handle that wind rabbit, but it got the better of us."

"No problem, Aquadudez," said Xetaja, giving a thumbs-up. "Yaia's got you covered."

"You go, Yaia-chan," said all three of the cooks. "W00t w00t!"

"Okay! Just wait a little longer," said Yaia happily as she began frying the rice. She blinked and glanced around. "Eh? My teddy bear's gone."

"Bobo, did you eat it? I didn't know you were a cannibal!" teased Abby.

Bobo, the giant bear next to Abby, promptly buried its face in its paws. "Bo, bo!" (I didn't eat it! And eating a stuffed animal wouldn't make me a cannibal!)

"I bet Typh stole it," whispered Sparkleaf.

"I did not!" yelled Typh indignantly, drawing startled glances from around the room.

"Don't worry, I'll watch the stove," volunteered Katalina.

Yaia froze. "But-"

"It'll be fine!" Katalina assured her. "You go find your teddy bear."

Rai and Xetaja exchanged ominous glances as Yaia skipped out of the room. "Hm, the heat's not up very high," said Katalina, inspecting the stove. "Let's see... there we go..."

"Eh, Katalina," began Lowain, but Tomoi stopped him.

"Nah, man, don't say nothing. Katalina looks happy right now. You wanna get into her good books, yo."

"Uh, Katalina, I think that's cooked enough," said Rackam tenatively. Yaia's fried rice, which had been approaching a nice golden color, was now on fire. "Grandcypher's smoke alarms need to be replaced, see."

Bobo waved its paws in dismay as Katalina began scooping the charred fried rice into bowls, setting them in front of the crew. "Bo, bo!" (That doesn't look remotely edible!)

"Oh, Bobo! You must really want some," laughed Abby just a little too loudly. She began pushing the charred fried rice toward the bear's face. "Come on, eat up!"

Maestra, Typh, Sparkleaf, Xetaja, and Rai all stared at their overfried rice. "Pass," they said in unison.

At that moment, Lyria entered the room. "Oh! Breakfast is ready!" she gasped excitedly, taking a seat. The crew stared in horror as Lyria began rapidly shoveling fried rice into her mouth. "Yummy~"
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
May 30, 2017 10:33am
Rosetta lay seductively on Xeta's bed.

"Hi there, Rosetta," said Xeta indifferently. "Could you get off my bed? I wanna sleep."

Disappointed, Rosetta got off the bed. "Tired already?"

"Yeah. Look at what we're dealing with." Xeta pointed out the window. Outside, Feower was beating up the other Eternals.

"Can Rai handle this much edge...?" wondered Typh, staring.

A muffled voice from the bunk above Xeta's. "I-I'll do it for him..."

"What a M," muttered Mae, sitting in the doorway.

Now Feower was cloaked in dark energy, eyes glowing ominously. "Four-kun, the shadow, the true edgelord," whispered Xeta loudly, poking Rai, who promptly hid her face under the sheets.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
June 3, 2017 3:24am
Today was the third day of Gala. The Grandcypher, like dozens of other airships, was docked at the local gacha shrine.

"Hey, R-kun, is this really necessary?" asked Maestra, frowning.

Sparkleaf was dumping an entire bag of crystals on the altar. "Yuisis said she won't join my team unless I get this thing to cough up her sword."

"You mean that sword that I melted down...?" asked Xeta

"Yes," replied the fox, dumping out even more crystals. "That sword."

Maestra and Xetaja exchanged glances.

Floating in the middle of the sanctuary, the giant gacha crystal flashed as it absorbed Sparkleaf's crystals. Everyone held their breath.

The gacha crystal flashed with rainbow light, and spat out two large red axes.

Sparkleaf stamped his paw angrily and tossed the axes to Gawain. Both were perfect copies of the axe already on Gawain's back.

"Wow, Gawain really wants to stay with you," said Xeta.

"W-what?" Gawain crossed his arms and puffed out his chest. "So you got more copies of my axe, big deal. It's not as if that means anything! Baaakaaa!"

Mae cleared her throat. "Anyway, let's head back to Alster. Gotta meet up with Deirdre for something."

"Eh?" Typh glanced around to see Rai, Xeta, Ark, and Mae all holding jade dragon claws decorated with white fur...and also identical letters from Deirdre. Typh glanced wistfully at the gacha. "Percy-kuuuuun...<3"

A vein bulged on Maestra's forehead. Snarling, she threw Typh off the island. "SEEEEEEEEEEEEN" yelled Typh as he fell into oblivion.

Yuisis watched Sparkleaf stomp away from the draw crystal in disappointment. "You really want me to switch to your team, eh Sparkles?" she called. "But I don't see enough respect from you yet. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me 'foxu.'"

She leaned in toward Sparkleaf, winking. "But if you were to, say, drop 3000 MobaCoin my way, then maybe we could start talking..."
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE

June 8, 2017 11:35am
Previously on "Mae held the pap":
Yggdrasil Omega's roots were creeping up the Grandcypher's hull and spilling over the decks. Sighing, Maestra grabbed her Tiamat Bolt Omega and loaded it. "Here we go again..."

The ship lurched as Rackam frantically tried to steer the Grancypher free.

"Dot-kun, take my hand," said Noa to Ark, who was barely hanging onto the side of the hull.

"No!" shouted Ark, fighting back a sob. "You don't even have boobs!"

Raising a giant sword made out of casino chips, Rai began hacking away at Yggy's roots, roaring.

Philosophia floated up on Descartes and dumped Typh back on the deck. "So, were you flying or falling?" asked Philosophia, oblivious to Yggdrasil's wild rampage.

"Not now!" yelled Maestra, firing at Yggy's face. "Rai, keep smashing those roots. Typh, get Petra on deck."

"This is a disaster!" gasped Drusilla, running over to Spark's coin purse before Spark yanked her away.

"Spark, Xeta, hold on!" yelled Carmelina,. Xeta and Spark grabbed Carmelina's hands as her war hoop began to spin so fast they were hovering above the deck.

Maestra patted her pockets. "Frick, out of bullets!" She pointed at Nezahualpilli. "Birb man, you're up!"

Nezahualpilli poked Yggy Omega once with his spear and it died.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
June 8, 2017 11:36am
The Grandcypher's landing party gathered outside a shrine in Zinkenstill, divided into six teams.

Wearing a hermit's weed dress, Maestra signaled to her team: Korwa, Scathacha, and Neph... Naza... the birdman.

Wearing an archer's visor/mask/thing, Xeta signaled to her team: Marquiares, Clarisse, and Sarunan.

Wearing a bishop's robes, Typh signaled to his team: Jeanne, Sen, and Magisa.

Wearing a valkyrie's light armor, Sparkleaf signaled to his team: Gawain, Carmelina, and Yuisis.

Wearing a weapon master's mail, Arkangel signaled to his team: Albert, Noa, and Yuel.

Wearing a dark fencer's plate, Rai signaled to her team: Melleau, Scathacha, and Eugen.

"We don't even look like we're fighting the same boss," grumbled Xeta. She pointed at Scathacha. "Why are there two of you, anyway?"

Mae waved a book at them. "That's enough chatter. Get ready to fight. Lyria, start summoning."

Lyria beamed and saluted. "Yes, Djeeta-dancho!"

Mae pointed at Xeta. "You got the sand ready?"

Xeta nodded. Clarisse and Cagliostro had painstakingly alchemized Xeta's hard-earned omega fragments into true anima, and then converting true anima into a scoop of star-sand.

Xeta took out the pouch of star sand and unceremoniously dumped it out on the altar.

Holding up the Proto Bahamut summon-stone, Lyria approached the altar and began chanting the ritual...

Nothing happened. "Typh broke it," whispered Sparkleaf.

"No I didn't!" yelled Typh indignantly.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
June 10, 2017 2:32am
Mae held out the pap: The Origins, Part 1

A small airship made its way toward the Auguste Isles. On deck, a fox gazed across the sky. 30 degrees to port should do it, decided Sparkleaf.

What he actually said was, "Hey you, go that way!" And he pointed with a paw.

At the ship's helm, Typh saluted. "Aye aye, foxu-danchou!" He spung the wheel wildly and sat down with a sketchpad.

Typh was drawing Red Riding Hood, except it looked just like Yellow from PokeSpe. "You like blond girls with ponytails, right?" said Spark. "What about that Io girl? Archduke Tzaka's apprentice, or something?"

Typh shook his head vigorously. "Her? Not interested. I'm not a lolicon, you know."

"I didn't say you were...?" Sparkleaf frowned. "I just thought maybe since you like mages, and you like girls with that hair color, maybe--"

"I'm not a lolicon!" insisted Typh.

"Okay, okay, I get it! Jeez." Sparkleaf looked around the ship and sighed. "Where'd this circus come from, anyway?"

Teena tossed flaming goblin heads into the air for Krugne to slash as Garmr fired through Carmelina's spinning hoop. Spark buried his face in his hands... paws. Hands? Paws? Hands.

"Foxu-danchou!" called Baotorda, sunlight reflecting off his armor. "Imperial battleship ahead!"

Blinking, Sparkleaf hurried to the bow. An Imperial airship was emerging from the clouds. "Slow the engines. Don't wanna get caught up in all tha... huh?"

The fox's eyes widened as the battleship began turning toward them. On its deck, Adversa came to life. "Hey wait!" protested Sparkleaf. "We've got a proper airship license and everything. You can't just shoot at us like..."

"I'm afraid your ship's crew violates Erste airship codes," declared Pommern, twirling his mustache. "Section 100.103861361 clearly states, 'Foxes may not be captains.' Ta-ta!"

A massive blast of light shot from Adversa and ripped through the hull of Sparkleaf's ship with a loud roar.

To be continued in part 2...
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
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