Mae held out the pap...

A followup to typh's granblue crack fic

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June 21, 2018 1:21am
Edgelord Returns: Part 5

Previously on Mae held the pap:

"Look at what we're dealing with," said Xeta, pointing at Arulu's crystal ball, in which Feower was beating up all the Eternals.

"Can Rai handle this much edge...?" wondered Typh, staring.

"I-I'll do it for him," mumbled Rai, her voice muffled under the sheets.

"What a M," muttered Mae, sitting in the doorway.

...
With growing dread, Rai chased after Feower. Hoping beyond hope that Feower would look back, and notice her. The same old pursuit, just like before. Had nothing changed, after all this time?

"You're slowly destroying yourself," said Seox.

"SHUT UP, YOU MASKED FREAK!" screamed Feower.

For a very long time, Rai had known this day would come. The day when Feower's lust for power would lead him to even attack the other Eternals.

"I'm stupid, so I won't go easy on a kid like you," said Threo.

"You're stupid, so you won't notice if I kick your DAMN SKULL IN!" screamed Feower.

Rai worked so hard to prevent Arulumaya's prophecy. From forging that first dagger, to sacrificing her daggers for that golden relic, to sacrificing the relic for that ritual of protection. All to save Feower from becoming a monster.

"Roll for initative," said Niyon.

"We'll see how well you sing with a KNIFE IN YOUR RIBS!" screamed Feower.

Rai's eyes were tearing up. Was it so wrong to want to protect someone else? After all this time, after all her efforts... it still wasn't enough.
...

"Brother, why?" gasped Tien, falling to her knees in front of Feower.

Rai stared in shock. Slowly, her eyes clouded.

Even if Rai couldn't be, Tien should be the dearest person in the skies to Feower. If Feower would even raise his hand against Tien... was he beyond saving?

Concluded in Part 6
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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July 1, 2018 4:49am
The crew had gathered at the Astral Battlefield for another Unite and Fight.

Ark stared up at Snow White('s boobs) as skyfarers all around him toppled over. He held up his sword as hailstones bombarded the ground, tearing up a cardboard cutout of Typh.

A chilling blast knocked Ark off his feet. As Snow White loomed over him, one last thought ran through Ark's head: "Man, primals are sexy as hell."

Several shots rang out. Hissing, Snow White drew back from Ark. "On your feet, maggot!" Do you want to die looking like shit today?" screamed Ilsa, somehow crossing the battlefield in her absurdly high heels.

Eyes widening, Ark scrambled to his feet. "What's with that sloppy posture? You're holding your sword like you're at a picnic!" barked Ilsa. "Are we having a picnic, maggot?"

"No ma'am!" yelled Ark.

"Then hustle, pond scum!" snarled Ilsa. "You're barely worth cannon fodder now, but when I'm through with you, you just might make a half-usable meatshield!"

"Ma'am yes ma'am!" yelled Ark, completely smitten.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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July 1, 2018 4:49am
Deep in the molten caverns beneath Valtz, a terrifying monster rose out from the molten depths.

Xeta stabbed Xeno Ifrit, and its mouth melted off to reveal a humanoid face. "He has face!" yelled Ark.

Xeta, Kou, and Ark all proceeded to kick Xeno Ifrit's head in. A massive pile of vajras was accumulating at their feet.

"Where's Spark?" said Avilin. "He was supposed to join us."
...

meanwhile, behind the ship, spark gently stroked yuisis's ears.

"uuu... boss, that feels weird," murmured yuisis, going red in the face

"then stop me," teased spark

"nah" said yuisis, hugging spark happily

...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M LATE!" yelled Rai as she charged into the cave, swinging Edgelord around frantically and knocking down dozens of Xeno Ifrits at a time.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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July 1, 2018 4:51am
Edgelord Returns: Part 6

A sword flew out of nowhere and landed between Feower and Tien."That's enough," said Seofon. "To think you'd even attack your own family..."

"I'm injuring her to protect her," spat Feower. "This is the only way! I will edge all!"

"You won't stop?" said Seofon. "In that case... ANRIIMITO BURADO WOKUSU-"

Before any swords could manifest. Feower traced a sigil in the air and KO'd Seopun.

"It's done," said Feower. "I'm the strongest of the Eternals. Laughing, Feower drew back his foot to kick Seopun in the ribs.

Suddenly, a hundred daggers came flying at Feower, pinning him by his cloak to the ground. His eyes widened as Rai smashed her telescope over his head.

"You bitch! You barely even looked at me!" screamed Rai. "Don't you know how much I've stuck my neck out for you?!"

"Tch...! Why would you go so far for me?" muttered Feower.

Rai throttled Feower vigorously. "Because I LOVE YOU, DAMNIT!!"

Feower froze.
"Wait, what?"

Tien chuckled weakly. "Don't you know? Rai became strong for your sake. She knew you had a temper. Yet she accepted you all the same."

The protractor daggers fell from Feower's hands, and he fell to his knees.

"But... then..." Stunned, Feower stared at his hands. "Even though I rant and scream? Even with how visceral I can be?

Tears trickled down Rai's cheeks. "Four-kun... I don't mind how much you scream. No, in fact... I love how passionate you become. And when you rage, I want to rage too."

She stared into Feower's eyes desperately. "So don't run away from me anymore...! No matter what rampage you're going on. From now on, I want to rampage together!"

Breathing slowly, Feower tentatively took Rai's hand. "All right. From now on...!"

Edgelord Returns: The End
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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July 17, 2018 9:34pm
Farrah and Yodarha were searching for mushrooms in the mountains. "l-lewd" muttered Lunalu.

"Sensei! I found some more shrooms!" said Farrah, excitedly "They're not myconids either! Someone just left them lying around!"

"Heh! Don't take your eyes off them," chuckled Yodarha.

Suddenly, the mushrooms lifted a few feet off the ground and began to float away from Farrah.

"They're running away!" yelled Farrah, swinging her sword wildly. "Why are all the mushrooms on this mountain able to move on their own?!"

Humming, Orchid continued to reel in the mushrooms with her puppet strings. "Wow, I can't believe it's actually working." said Al.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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July 17, 2018 9:35pm
Ark's eyes followed the curve of Ilsa's hips as they traveled through Sephira. "Eyes sharp, meat! One wrong step and you're monster food," barked Ilsa.

"Meat? But what if I'm begatle?" said Ark.

Ferry shot a glance at Yuel. "Hey, Dot's totally checking her out," muttered Ferry. "What should we do?"

Suddenly, a giant bird with an axe for a head leapt out of the bushes. Ark began yelling.

"Perfect place fer campin', konkon!" said Yuel, making fox finger signs as the axebird chased Ark around. "He was aaaa... DES-perado, come all the way from... COL-orado..."
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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July 17, 2018 9:35pm
The crew had arrived at the convention--I mean art exhibition--where Lunalu and other artists were selling their doujins--I mean romantic storybooks.

"Kyaa... <3" Mae slapped her cheeks happily. "Glad I saved up for this day!"

"So many lewds," said Al eagerly. Pouting slightly, Orchid tightly gripped his hand.

...

"The Temple of Draws is now auctioning off one Gorilla gorilla phantagrandus," said Xeta.

"The big surprise is... a gorilla?" said Rai blankly.

"A gorilla," repeated Xeta.

"But it's... a gorilla," said Rai, rolling on the floor.

...
Chugging a bottle of Handsome Gorilla TA, Lunalu pointed at a crotchety old man. "Mahira, Melissabelle, we have to take down that rampaging gorilla!"

Lecia frowned. "What in the skies? Spark, let's go stop them!"

"Nah," said Spark, pawing through kitsuneko douijins at a booth.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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July 17, 2018 9:35pm
*This is a story retroactively inserted into the crew's early days because canon says so.*

Normal-sized Tiamat landed on the deck. Chime chime. Rackam blinked. "Wait, what? Head back to Port Breeze? But why?"

Tiamat just smiled. Chime chime.

...

"Yo, Jon," said Mae outside Siero's shop. "What's an agent doing on Eingana?"

"Hi Mae," said Zykron. "We're assisting the Port Breeze authorities with some reports of suspicious people dressed like animals."

"You're looking for fursuiters?" said Mae.

"Wait, what, no!" protested Zykron. "They're wearing bodytight suits, and..."

Mae frowned. "Not like that, damnit!"

Suddenly, voices called out. "Hey look, it's ChuuniP! Hi ChuuniP!"

"Aw frick," said Mae. "Gotta run!" Turning to flee, she collided headfirst with Joker

...

"So you're the Phantom Thieves of Hearts?" said Spark. "You're a meteorologist agency that secretly protects Japan, right?"

"
"That's JP's from Devil Survivor 2, you fool," said Mae, hitting Spark over the head.

"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn

"Ladies, you're both pretty," said Katalina.

Silence.

"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn
"I ain't no cat!" hissed Morgana
"I ain't no lizard!" yelled Vyrn

Mae massaged her forehead. Little did she know her destiny had yet to begin!
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
July 17, 2018 9:36pm
here, have a copypapsta.

The crew had returned to Port Breeze for a summer festival. Spark and Yuisis made their way past the stalls.

Strings of paper lanterns crossed the air overhead as cheery voices filled the air. The evening air was warm and lively.

"Sorry I couldn't dress properly," said Yuisis nervously. "Just didn't get a chance to shop and all..."

"It's okay," said Spark, happily hugging her. "You're still very cute. You always are."

Yuisis stopped outside a goldfish scooping stand. "Hey, boss, you think this will look good on me?" asked Yuisis, pointing at one of the prizes on display, a yukata with a lovely aqua color scheme. "I really wanted to wear one, you know..."

Spark's eyes lit up. "I'll play!" he said eagerly, dropping a fistful of rupies on the counter.

"That'll be 300 crystals, please," said the owner.

"Huh?" Spark froze. "Y-you're from the Temple of Draws!"

"That's right," said the stall owner."Make a catch, and you get the prize written on the back. 300 crystals for one try."

"Huh? Written?" Horrified, Spark stared down at the fish tank. Instead of goldfish, tiny gacha crystals were swimming around in the water. "N-nooooo...!"

Yuisis smiled slightly and handed Spark a scooper. "Good luck, Spark." She kissed him sweetly on the cheek.

Trembling, Spark reached for his crystal pouch...

Five minutes later, Ark and Zykron found Spark sobbing next to a pile of R weapons.
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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August 1, 2018 9:49pm
Mae and Percy were assisting with the relief efforts on Perfetto Island.

"So, what'd you think of the relief concert?" said Mae eagerly.

Percival shrugged indifferently. "If music is what is needed to motivate commoners, so be it. I have more practical needs on my mind."

"You saying you don't need music?" said Mae, a bit indignant.

"Not unless it's yours."

Mae went red. "B-baka! Don't say things like that in public!"


A bitter man snorted. "Art is worthless!"

Percival's eyes flashed. "You scoundrel. Don't you understand hard the orchestra worked to produce such elegant, inspiring music for your town?"

Mae covered her mouth, her heart racing. So he really did care for music!
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
August 1, 2018 9:50pm
Rage of Tezcat: Part 1

Spark twirled his flashspear. He leapt and darted around the training room, striking dummies one after another. He slid into a pivot at the end of each jump, bursting into the next lunge.

Still not good enough. He needed to react faster. His eyes, his reflexes. Whirling around, Spark's foot slipped on scattered straw--

...
_
Titan's sword swung wide, brutally smashing Spark into the wall. Was there nothing he could do from the start? Gasping, the fox raised his spear as Titan stomped toward him for the finishing blow.

A slash of howling wind, and Titan was cut to pieces from behind. Standing in its place was a skyfarer, clutching a sword that Spark once fondly wielded.

The man smirked. "I can kill behemoths just by looking at them. What a sham you are. I'm the real deal! You should just disappear, you pathetic excuse for a primal."

"Wait!" shouted Spark. Pain shot through his body, his cracked ribs screaming. Even so, he continued to drag his body across the ground. "Come... back...!"
_
...

A hand caught Spark's wrist, steadying him. "Watch out, boss," said Yuisis, helping the fox regain his balance. She was wearing a lovely yukata, her hair elegantly tied back. "You've been workin' hard lately."

Spark smiled weakly. "Did I look okay?"

She brushed down his apsaras garments. "You'll fly pretty far, boss," said Yuisis softly. "Just don't crash."

"Yeah!" Looking back at her, he bit his lip. "I'm sorry. I wish you could be there too."

She flinched. Then, smiling, Yuisis shook her head. "It's all right," she murmured, hugging Spark tightly. "Kill lots of them for me, okay?"

A lump rose in Spark's throat, and he buried his face in her shoulder. *I'll do whatever it takes to make you proud. My precious, precious sakura girl.*

Outside, the Grandcypher was gradually descending toward the Astral Battlefield. Once more, the crew was about to participate in a centuries-old tradition of bloodshed and chaos...

Continued in Part 2
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
August 5, 2018 12:39pm
Rage of Tezcat: Part 2

Spark jumped down from the ship as soon as it docked. With growing anticipation, he gazed across the island's forbidding ridges.

Guns in his tails, daggers on his belt, spear at his back. The clouds of war and strife brewed above the ancient Astral Battlefield. So, this was where Tezcatlipoca had awoken.

Scathacha smirked. "Are you that excited?"

"Hell yeah," said Spark. "I may have my tails back, thanks to you, but what meaning do tails have if I'm not used to them?"

The rest of the crew trudged outside, looking none too enthusiastic. Avilin sank to his knees while Mae lay down and closed her eyes. "Notto disu shitto agen," muttered Rai.

...

"Aaaaaah! Grea, Forte, heeeelp!"
(Hm? A voice. But does it bring the power I lost?)
"Ow! No one told me there was a cave here."
(Just how long have I been asleep...)
"Eh...? A fox?"
(It's getting closer. Sounds like a child.)
"Oh shit. I-is that a primal..."
"Rawr."
"Aieee! Its eyes opened!"
"Who are you?"
"Sorry! I didn't mean to fall in here..."

...

Xeta picked Spark up. "What're you dozing off for? Let's go, foxu."

Spark blinked. "R-right!"

"...I say that, but actually, I gotta do some stuff in town before I dive in," said Xeta, putting Spark back down and lightly pushing him away. "Go, be free."

Spark stared at the rest of his crew blankly. But he wouldn't let his resolve falter here. After all, the shame of his previous failure still burned.

Xeta picked Spark up. "What're you dozing off for? Let's go, foxu."

Spark blinked. "R-right!"

"...I say that, but actually, I gotta do some stuff in town before I dive in," said Xeta, putting Spark back down and lightly pushing him away. "Go, be free."

Spark stared at the rest of his crew blankly. But he wouldn't let his resolve falter here. After all, the shame of his previous failure still burned.

In the distance, an ominous churr echoed across the crags.

Continued in Part 3
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE

August 6, 2018 6:36pm
Rage of Tezcat: Part 3

Spreading his tails, Spark stepped onto the plains. A herd of Allosaurs up ahead. The primal noted each one's location.

On his right, Scathacha gathered magic in her hands. On his left, Lancelot sharpened his twin swords against each other. Behind him, Tiamat's winds were revving up.

Flashspear's wings opening, Spark lunged toward the Allosaurs. Blitz. Blitz. Blitz. His spear pulverized their bones as he leapt between their blows.

He'd been waiting a long time. Yet the fox knew he wasn't fully prepared. "That person" flashed in his head, and he seethed--

...

"So when did you come to this island?"
"What's it to you? I move as I please. Perhaps I'll stay a few more centuries. Perhaps I'll leave tomorrow."
"Hey, don't be like that! Aren't we friends?"
"Friends?"
"You know! Someone who supports you, and is always there for you. Someone really important."
"Ah. I had seven of those once. Now I have just one."
"Really? Where?"
"Right here."
"Huh? Behind your tail?"
"No, you fool. I'm talking about my tail. But I used to have seven."
"Wait, you can't be friends with your tails!"

...

Grimacing, Spark spiraled aside as a Tyrannus snapped its jaws dangerously close to him. He had to keep his head in the game.

Scathacha incinerating one Allosaurus, Lancelot carving up another. Tiamat's gales shredded through behemoth after behemoth. Hitting the ground, the fox raised his tails and blasted apart the Tyrannus's skull with his Tiamat bolt rifles.

The plains went silent.

"C'mon, let's not let the spoils go to waste," said Spark. Drawing his knife, Spark began roughly ripping chunks of meat from the dead Allosaurs. Somehow, he felt the fight took too long.

Shut up, Spark told himself. He didn't have to be the best of the best. He just wanted to be a serious contender for once.

Halfway across the island, a pair of savage eyes flicked open...

Continued in Part 4
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

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September 9, 2018 12:02pm
A group of kids bowed to Elmott. "Thanks for saving us from that scary griffin!"

"Yeah, yeah, now scram, you little brats," said Elmott dismissively.

Uni hugged Elmott from behind. "So pure, so cute."

"Agh! Get off me, woman!" spluttered Elmott, going red in the face.

Disappointed, Uni released him. "Do you really mind that much?"

Elmott scowled. "Tch. It'd be a shame if a real doll like you fell for a lowlife like me. You'll just get burned, you know."

Uni lightly ran her fingers through Elmott's hair. "It can't be helped. I love one (1) man"
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
September 9, 2018 12:05pm
Rage of Tezcat: Part 4

Spark and his allies watched from a ledge as Tezcatliopca sniffed a beast bait slice. "Go!" yelled Lecia, releasing a sonic boom from her sword.

Lightning flashed down Spark's flashspear, striking Tezcat with a thrust. Gawain swung at Tezcat's leg, severing sinew and sinew as Scathacha bombarded Tezcat's face with dragon magic. As Tezcat prepared to strike, a sudden gale from Tiamat sliced along the gashes on its legs.

Wind swirled around Spark's team, blurring their movements. A flourish of Lecia's sword, imbuing the others with her sword-magic. One after another, they charged at Tezcat, each attack echoed in green afterimages.

Magic sigils glowed in the air around Tezcat. "Oh, no you don't," hissed Spark, releasing a surge of howling wind from his spear, blasting the sigils away--

...

"What are you doing?"
"Me? Just reading some books."
"Hm. You're studying earth magic, right? Books will surely make you strong."
"Oh, uh, these are just for fun, actually."
"Fun, huh...?"

...

Gawain raised his halberd in front of the others as a shockwave erupted from Tezcat, tearing up the ground."Almost there!" said Spark. Twirling his spear, he cast a triangular aura around them, accelerating their movements.

Chiming, Tiamat immediately flew in, tearing into Tezcat mercilessly. Darting around Tezcat's furious swipes, Spark swung his spear up as he leapt forward, driving into Tezcat's lower jaw.

Churring in defeat, Tezcat lowered its head and vanished. "We did it! Good work, everyone," cheered Lecia, clasping Spark's wrist. Tiamat chimed happily, and even Gawain tried to hide a wry smile.

Spark smiled weakly, tired but pleased. And yet, he felt he shouldn't savor this victory. "To be expected, with two wind primals on our side," said the fox. "Let's keep going."

Troubled, Tiamat stared at Spark. And still, an aura of malice lingered in the jungle air...

Continued in Part 5
You do seem to know what is needed. Yes, what a Trainer needs is a virtuous heart. Pokémon touch the good hearts of Trainers and learn good from wrong. They touch the good hearts of Trainers and grow strong... Go onwards! The Champion is waiting!
- Drake of the Hoenn Elite Four

CaRSP aRiEWoVLotE
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