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Mental Weaknesses
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When thinking about mental health I think of it as armor. Everyone has different kinds of armor, because life doesn't believe in ?equal defense status. Anyways, this armor of yours helps you defend against mighty creatures, like for a couple of examples: stress of life's great journey (that isn't so great if you ask me), the fearsome pathetic bullies that make their homes in schools and workplaces, and other things that plague this Earth that I can't think of at this very moment.
Now, the only reason I'm writing this is to tell all of you, my mental weaknesses. So grab your notebooks and take notes, because what I am about to tell you is real, because I couldn't think of any fake problems. Now my armor has a lot of dents in it I suppose, and it is a struggle to repair them (I suppose I could buy a new one, but I heard that is very expensive and hard and I don't think I'm ready for that). I'm surprised my armor even works any more. One thing I struggle with is letting go. I mean, I am who I am because I can't let go of something that happened five years ago! If those events didn't happen to me, I would probably be the person who commonly gets in trouble, because I would talk a whole lot. I would be an annoying brat, at least, that is how I was all the way up to 7th grade. Seventh grade was very bad. Every day it felt like I was sent into a battle field with no training on how to deal with the kind of things I had to face. The weapons in these constant battles were words and these words really hurt. I'm sure some, if not all of you know what it is liked to be bullied, to hear people poke fun at your faults, faults that make you hate yourself instead of like yourself more, because these faults are who make you, you. They would take my stuff, make fun of my appearance, talk down to me, cuss me out, and call me names. And there was no where to run from the onslaught for I had the same kids through all my classes and it didn't help that my parents were fighting every day, threatening each other with getting a divorce. I felt like there was no one to turn to, and when I finally told someone, nothing happened to the bullies. Those events made me who I am today and has made loving my life a struggle. Loving life is far more difficult than I ever imagined. I remember when I was younger, getting up to deal with school and other stresses was a breeze and I looked forward to conquering the challenges that awaited me. Now the game of life has changed and it feels like I'm too low leveled to pass anything. Every day feels the same and it feels like stuck in some kind of pit that is impossible to get out of. How can I love a life like this? Maybe there's a silver lining in all this, perhaps I need better glasses to see it all. All I know right now is these weaknesses have ended lives and I won't let it end mine. I am currently working out these problems so hopefully one day these problems will stop plaguing my mind. |
When thinking about mental health I think of it as armor. Everyone has different kinds of armor, because life doesn't believe in ?equal defense status. Anyways, this armor of yours helps you defend against mighty creatures, like for a couple of examples: stress of life's great journey (that isn't so great if you ask me), the fearsome pathetic bullies that make their homes in schools and workplaces, and other things that plague this Earth that I can't think of at this very moment.
Now, the only reason I'm writing this is to tell all of you, my mental weaknesses. So grab your notebooks and take notes, because what I am about to tell you is real, because I couldn't think of any fake problems. Now my armor has a lot of dents in it I suppose, and it is a struggle to repair them (I suppose I could buy a new one, but I heard that is very expensive and hard and I don't think I'm ready for that). I'm surprised my armor even works any more.
One thing I struggle with is letting go. I mean, I am who I am because I can't let go of something that happened five years ago! If those events didn't happen to me, I would probably be the person who commonly gets in trouble, because I would talk a whole lot. I would be an annoying brat, at least, that is how I was all the way up to 7th grade.
Seventh grade was very bad. Every day it felt like I was sent into a battle field with no training on how to deal with the kind of things I had to face. The weapons in these constant battles were words and these words really hurt. I'm sure some, if not all of you know what it is liked to be bullied, to hear people poke fun at your faults, faults that make you hate yourself instead of like yourself more, because these faults are who make you, you. They would take my stuff, make fun of my appearance, talk down to me, cuss me out, and call me names. And there was no where to run from the onslaught for I had the same kids through all my classes and it didn't help that my parents were fighting every day, threatening each other with getting a divorce. I felt like there was no one to turn to, and when I finally told someone, nothing happened to the bullies.
Those events made me who I am today and has made loving my life a struggle. Loving life is far more difficult than I ever imagined. I remember when I was younger, getting up to deal with school and other stresses was a breeze and I looked forward to conquering the challenges that awaited me. Now the game of life has changed and it feels like I'm too low leveled to pass anything. Every day feels the same and it feels like stuck in some kind of pit that is impossible to get out of. How can I love a life like this?
Maybe there's a silver lining in all this, perhaps I need better glasses to see it all. All I know right now is these weaknesses have ended lives and I won't let it end mine. I am currently working out these problems so hopefully one day these problems will stop plaguing my mind.
Now, the only reason I'm writing this is to tell all of you, my mental weaknesses. So grab your notebooks and take notes, because what I am about to tell you is real, because I couldn't think of any fake problems. Now my armor has a lot of dents in it I suppose, and it is a struggle to repair them (I suppose I could buy a new one, but I heard that is very expensive and hard and I don't think I'm ready for that). I'm surprised my armor even works any more.
One thing I struggle with is letting go. I mean, I am who I am because I can't let go of something that happened five years ago! If those events didn't happen to me, I would probably be the person who commonly gets in trouble, because I would talk a whole lot. I would be an annoying brat, at least, that is how I was all the way up to 7th grade.
Seventh grade was very bad. Every day it felt like I was sent into a battle field with no training on how to deal with the kind of things I had to face. The weapons in these constant battles were words and these words really hurt. I'm sure some, if not all of you know what it is liked to be bullied, to hear people poke fun at your faults, faults that make you hate yourself instead of like yourself more, because these faults are who make you, you. They would take my stuff, make fun of my appearance, talk down to me, cuss me out, and call me names. And there was no where to run from the onslaught for I had the same kids through all my classes and it didn't help that my parents were fighting every day, threatening each other with getting a divorce. I felt like there was no one to turn to, and when I finally told someone, nothing happened to the bullies.
Those events made me who I am today and has made loving my life a struggle. Loving life is far more difficult than I ever imagined. I remember when I was younger, getting up to deal with school and other stresses was a breeze and I looked forward to conquering the challenges that awaited me. Now the game of life has changed and it feels like I'm too low leveled to pass anything. Every day feels the same and it feels like stuck in some kind of pit that is impossible to get out of. How can I love a life like this?
Maybe there's a silver lining in all this, perhaps I need better glasses to see it all. All I know right now is these weaknesses have ended lives and I won't let it end mine. I am currently working out these problems so hopefully one day these problems will stop plaguing my mind.
© SkyWarrior 2014-2023
I pretty much said everything about this piece of writing on my base.
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| Submitted | Mar 17, 2014 |
| Size | 3 KiB |
| Characters | 2979 |
| Words | 572 |
| Sentences | 27 |
| Paragraphs | 11 |
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| Views | 591 (1 today) |
| Favorites | 6 (0 today) |
| Comments | 4 (0 today) |
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The poem I posted was/is about a bout of depression (one of the only two that I can think that I've had) that I was/am going through. I thought that I was being a better person, vocalizing my feelings instead of holding them in like I do. You've made me realize something about those feelings.
If you didn't know, this depression I've been sunk in has mainly been about a girl I dated in high school and my decision to break up with her. The proceeding flak that followed didn't really help. Sure, I still liked this girl, I could deal with that, but place where I thought you and I connected was the fact that we were both being made fun of, mainly.
My friends would pick on me or breaking up with her even after I made it PRETTY OBVIOUS that it bothered me. It was a nonstop ordeal that only made me feel worse. But that's nothing. I can put up with being made fun of. It's been my whole life. I've learned to deal with it. But, one day, I just snapped. I quit hanging out with people and I became an introvert. I hated seeing the people who, weeks ago, I would entrust my life to. But, I'm starting to ramble.
Long story short, I hated my best friends for everything they did. It also didn't help that they picked on me for liking another girl while I was depressed. Hell, the one I hated, and when I say hated, I mean that at times I wanted to kill him, started dating the girl I broke up with. I've mostly come to terms with it, thinking that I've made some big accomplishment. Boy, this changed my mind.
I see that you have truly suffered. My ordeal has been a few months, while yours has lasted for years. I come here and whine about my minor inconveniences. You come here and pour your heart out. I truly feel terrible for how you have been treated, even if I can never know how you felt. This has made me realize how trivial my silly problems are. Sky, remember, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm probably here. Just ask.
I feel like we're almost parallel, at some point in our lives there was a fork in the road and we went in different directions.
I stayed the annoying, talkative, brat. I refused to acknowledge that I had problems in my life, and it made me explode with rage whenever I got upset.
When my problems ceased I blocked the memories of them out. I refused to let that become a part of me, and now I can barely talk about it.
You are so strong.
Middle school is probably the worst part of school when it comes to friendships and interaction. Kids don't want to play nice anymore, but they change so fast; people who seemed friendly begin to tease us, the quiet kids gossip behind our backs. And there doesn't seem to be a way out.
I'm glad that you were able to communicate with your parents, with your classmates, with your teacher. Sometimes the part that hurts most is that they don't know the pain they cause.
The holes in your 'armor'-- your mental health, your patience, your ease of mind... Everyone has those holes, whether they like to admit it or not, whether they can sense them or not. It takes courage to reveal the holes to others, especially when those holes were caused by others.
As for the present... Sometimes when you feel trapped, the answer will be in talking to others. And sometimes it'll be in the silent comforts, the things you cherish, the stories you want to tell.
This is your senior year, right? You're almost there. You can do it. It won't/doesn't seem possible, it may seem too far away; but it's within reach <: Hang in there. And we'll watch your back always~
I respect you for being able to talk about that, and I know you'll be able to grow past that experience. (I feel like you already have, to an extent - but you're only gonna get better from here!)