When thinking about mental health I think of it as armor. Everyone has different kinds of armor, because life doesn't believe in ?equal defense status. Anyways, this armor of yours helps you defend against mighty creatures, like for a couple of examples: stress of life's great journey (that isn't so great if you ask me), the fearsome pathetic bullies that make their homes in schools and workplaces, and other things that plague this Earth that I can't think of at this very moment.
Now, the only reason I'm writing this is to tell all of you, my mental weaknesses. So grab your notebooks and take notes, because what I am about to tell you is real, because I couldn't think of any fake problems. Now my armor has a lot of dents in it I suppose, and it is a struggle to repair them (I suppose I could buy a new one, but I heard that is very expensive and hard and I don't think I'm ready for that). I'm surprised my armor even works any more.
One thing I struggle with is letting go. I mean, I am who I am because I can't let go of something that happened five years ago! If those events didn't happen to me, I would probably be the person who commonly gets in trouble, because I would talk a whole lot. I would be an annoying brat, at least, that is how I was all the way up to 7th grade.
Seventh grade was very bad. Every day it felt like I was sent into a battle field with no training on how to deal with the kind of things I had to face. The weapons in these constant battles were words and these words really hurt. I'm sure some, if not all of you know what it is liked to be bullied, to hear people poke fun at your faults, faults that make you hate yourself instead of like yourself more, because these faults are who make you, you. They would take my stuff, make fun of my appearance, talk down to me, cuss me out, and call me names. And there was no where to run from the onslaught for I had the same kids through all my classes and it didn't help that my parents were fighting every day, threatening each other with getting a divorce. I felt like there was no one to turn to, and when I finally told someone, nothing happened to the bullies.
Those events made me who I am today and has made loving my life a struggle. Loving life is far more difficult than I ever imagined. I remember when I was younger, getting up to deal with school and other stresses was a breeze and I looked forward to conquering the challenges that awaited me. Now the game of life has changed and it feels like I'm too low leveled to pass anything. Every day feels the same and it feels like stuck in some kind of pit that is impossible to get out of. How can I love a life like this?
Maybe there's a silver lining in all this, perhaps I need better glasses to see it all. All I know right now is these weaknesses have ended lives and I won't let it end mine. I am currently working out these problems so hopefully one day these problems will stop plaguing my mind.