Dissociation



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Dissociation
thekingofpillowland April 19, 2015 at 1:39am
© thekingofpillowland 2015-2020
Kinda depressing, I guess. Feel free to say what you think about it.

Comments

Thane
Heart 
April 19, 2015 at 1:30pm
A lot of solid descriptions, mate; some very evocative word choices. The reveal was also well executed--very sudden and jarring (in a good way). I really enjoyed the way you played around with personification--using 3rd and first person interchangeably and all. If I were to offer a (hopefully constructive) criticism it would be that a few words and sentence structures were repeated a little too close together ('bright'; 'at all times' and 'all the time'; 'dead to the world' and 'did not care for the world around him' are all in back-to-back sentences). That was balanced out by your transitions, though. The individual descriptions have a really nice, natural flow to them.
thekingofpillowland
Heart 
April 19, 2015 at 9:56pm
Wow thanks! So would you say its good for something that took 10 minutes to write, and wasn't even edited before I posted it?
Thane
Heart 
April 19, 2015 at 9:58pm
absolutely, yes!
thekingofpillowland
Heart 
April 19, 2015 at 10:23pm
Thank you!
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Submitted Apr 19, 2015
Size 2 KiB
Characters 1636
Words 304
Sentences 24
Paragraphs 8

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