Opening ... Cloudburst



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Opening ... Cloudburst
Seromi October 5, 2011 at 4:22pm
© Seromi 2011-2023
dfjadskj Please please please tell me if there are any mistakes, and critique!

Comments

twiggycool
Heart 
October 8, 2011 at 7:47am
Wow, Sero, this is really good writing! :D I love how you made it dark, and also how I can tell that the character wished for something during the carnival that led to their imprisonment, and saved by
Grovyle and Celibi, I think, but now I want to read more :( Please write quickleh <3
Seromi
Heart 
October 8, 2011 at 7:53am
Do not fret m'dear more will come your way.

And srsly stop flattering me it's making me blush and inflate my ego. adsfa v//w//v
twiggycool
Heart 
October 8, 2011 at 7:54am
I give praise where praise is due~ ^w^
Seromi
Heart 
October 8, 2011 at 7:56am
djfdsklafsjdldfjafsdla Twiggy srsly dasldfskjdfslajadfs //face is cherry red now

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Darklite
Heart 
October 6, 2011 at 8:56am
Whoa, very nice~ You really captured all that pain well, by taking the writing right into the character's head, etc :33

Uhm only one edit I have would be "One of them come around..." to "One of them comes around"... that's it though C:
Seromi
Heart 
October 6, 2011 at 5:28pm
afsdadfs Thanks so much Darkie! ♥ ♥ ;w;
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Details

Submitted Oct 5, 2011
Last Edited Oct 8, 2011
Size 5 KiB
Characters 5275
Words 968
Sentences 94
Paragraphs 23

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